"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 29 December 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Worried about Vice-President Dick Cheney's weak heart? Worries away! We've obtained an exclusive schematic of the Big Time Vice President-elect's bum ticker, and we can report that the American people can rest easy this holiday season. Like the man himself, the Cheney heart is a perfect mix of private and public sector know-how. Halliburton Oil's state of the art pumping equipment, matched by Cheney's old Department of Defense pals at Northrop-Grumman and Lockheed-Martin have created a perfect bisectored heart. And at only $7 million in annual taxpayer upkeep, it's well worth it. So take the tour, Franklin Institute-style, and see how we're keeping hope alive. After all, without Big Time, we're only a heartbeat away from a Bush Presidency.


courtesy of The Sucksters


pictures Terry Colon