"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 25 December 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.


Let's be honest: If you're reading Suck on December 25, you obviously don't have a cozy home to go to for the holiday. And when was the last time you saw a homeless person getting brand-new presents from a holiday gift drive? But don't just think of these hand-me-downs as being worn out; think of them as having "character." Read them all, and get that warm, glowing, egg-nog-dribbling, passed-out-pissing feeling you remember from Suck Christmases of yore! St. Huck's historic Santa Feared Sleighn brings you the holiday news the corporate media won't report. In The Night Before Christmas, Polly Esther continues her tradition of rhyming (though her doctors at the home prefer to call it "clanging") morality tales. Polly leaves you even more depressed with a Very Special holiday Filler, and finally the Sucksters send some of the most pathetic greeting cards ever to clutter up a refrigerator. If you're not feeling like Scrooge after all that, you may be eligible for a career as a department store Santa!

Happy Holidays,
The Sucksters

Terry Colon