Dear Polly,

Last night, I dreamt I was holding a woman's hat. There was a ladder by the door, and an umbrella and a gun on the floor. I climbed the ladder. At the top I found a hammer. With the hammer, I smashed the woman's hat into little bits. A rat ran into the room and said "I wouldn't do that if I were you." So I smashed the rat to little bits with the hammer. Then I dropped the hammer, picked up the umbrella and left.

What does it all mean?

Johnny <>

Dear Johnny,

Let's turn to Freud for some help with your dream.

Freud writes:

"Of articles of dress, a woman's hat may very often be interpreted with certainty as the male genitals...All elongated objects, sticks, tree-trunks, umbrellas... represent the male member... Steep inclines, ladders and stairs, and going up or down them, are symbolic representations of the sexual act... It is quite unmistakable that all weapons and tools are used as symbols for the male organ: e.g., ploughshare, hammer, gun, revolver, dagger... Small animals and vermin are substitutes for little children, e.g., undesired sisters or brothers... To play with or to beat a little child is often the dream's representation of masturbation."

So, let's see. You're holding your penis. There are two other penises on the floor. You have sex, while you're holding a penis. A little bastard child questions your judgment, so you masturbate. Then you put down your penis, and then take another penis and leave.

Boy, you sure are hung up on penises.



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