After a 20 minute infomercial of his "greatest hits" — followed by an entrance that would humble even a WWF wrestler — President Bill Clinton gave a corker of a speech to the adoring throng. Clinton looked and acted just like a rooster taking credit for making the sun come up as he praised himself not just for the robust economy but for every single good thing that's happened to every American for the past 8 years, mixed in which some pretty amusing pot shots at those squaresville Republicans. Did you know we were in a deep, dark depression back in '92? Neither did I, but Bill claims to have single-handedly saved us from that as well. Whatta Prez!

It's pretty hard not to be charmed by Clinton's cocksure attitude, though. He's another Dean Martin: reeking of the "stuff" that every guy in the room wishes he was made of, while getting even the most rabid feminists to line up defending him against every rape allegation (while vilifying dorks like Bob Packwood and Clarence Thomas over some failed come-ons). Meanwhile, literally ALL the women around me, from ages 17 to 70, were staring at President with their eyeballs bulging out of their heads, UTTERLY HYPNOTIZED by his presence. There wasn't a dry seat in the house, folks!

These women adore both Bill AND Hillary, even though the Clintons have the most famously dysfunctional marriage in human history. Am I missing something here? You bet I am!