"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 20 September 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Filler 9.20.00


I was in this guy's bathroom once and he had seven toilet paper dispensers on the wall. I asked his girlfriend about this, and she explained that he was upset about the fact that his roommates never put a new roll on the dispenser when it ran out, and so one day he put up seven dispensers, each with a fresh roll of toilet paper.

At first, this made me laugh a lot. I mean, that's pretty funny, right? But when you think about it, it's the idea that's the funny part. Actually going to the hardware store and plunking down what? $30, $40 on toilet dispensers. And then spending at least an hour screwing all of them into the wall. Sure, it's even funnier if you actually do it, but not that much funnier. Not so much funnier that it's worth the expense and effort. And after thinking about it for awhile, it moves from funny to a little creepy.

Same thing with drop-kicking a cat, I think. Sure, the image is great — it's fun to say. But actually doing it would be simply horrible. You'd never really do that, right? You only have one toilet dispenser, right?

Mark Wright

Next...From impractical to tactical to galactical!