Has decent, 2-year relationships with other ever-so-slightly tweaked people like himself
Has dreams of a great career that keep him from totally hating his current job
Makes friends easily, but loses them just as easily out of mismanaged fallouts or neglect
Compliment others insincerely
Remain in monogamous relationship for exactly 2 years
Refer to self as "trying harder these days"
Pay rent on time
Eat decent meals occasionally
Raise houseplants that look healthy at first
Plan some get-togethers with friends, omitting whoever's currently on his shit list
Has occasional relationships that look promising at first, but end up shriveling up under the obsessive/neurotic magnifying glass after about 2 months
Totally hates her current job
Has a few close friends and several ex-friends who were once close but victimized her in some way that made it impossible to talk to them again, ever
Chat with others every now and then, when she's had a few beers
Remain optimistic about finding the "right" person someday
Admit that "things actually sort of suck right now, but I'll deal."
Overanalyze every single interaction with the opposite sex
Get defensive at inappropriate times
Plan occasional outings with friends, which sometimes end in drunkenness and a verbally abusive exchange with a stranger
Trying not to be so controlling all the time and
Trying not to drink too much
Next... From rebuttal to denial!