THE EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY TWEAKED



Characteristics:

• Has decent, 2-year relationships with other ever-so-slightly tweaked people like himself

• Has dreams of a great career that keep him from totally hating his current job

• Makes friends easily, but loses them just as easily out of mismanaged fallouts or neglect


Has The Ego Strength To:

• Compliment others insincerely

• Remain in monogamous relationship for exactly 2 years

• Refer to self as "trying harder these days"


Has The Energy To:

• Pay rent on time

• Eat decent meals occasionally

• Raise houseplants that look healthy at first

• Plan some get-togethers with friends, omitting whoever's currently on his shit list


Mainly Concerned With: Finding ways to look busy at work while flipping through the Garnet Hill catalog and daydreaming about a better life


Most Serious Challenge: Getting past that point in a relationship where he's not interested in sex, has nothing to say, and sort of has a vague urge to fuck someone else as soon as humanly possible


Response to the Statement "I Hate You": "I guess we should talk that over and see where that's coming from, but not right now, I'm really busy."



THE SLIGHTLY OBSESSIVE/NEUROTIC



Characteristics:

• Has occasional relationships that look promising at first, but end up shriveling up under the obsessive/neurotic magnifying glass after about 2 months

• Totally hates her current job

• Has a few close friends and several ex-friends who were once close but victimized her in some way that made it impossible to talk to them again, ever


Has The Ego Strength To:

• Chat with others every now and then, when she's had a few beers

• Remain optimistic about finding the "right" person someday

• Admit that "things actually sort of suck right now, but I'll deal."


Has The Energy To:

• Complain incessantly

• Overanalyze every single interaction with the opposite sex

• Get defensive at inappropriate times

• Plan occasional outings with friends, which sometimes end in drunkenness and a verbally abusive exchange with a stranger


Mainly Concerned With:

• Trying not to be so controlling all the time and

• Trying not to drink too much


Most Serious Challenge: Telling people what she thinks without letting all her emotions get bottled up, because when she's all bottled up she lets her emotions out by drinking a lot and breaking something valuable for no good reason or fucking someone for no good reason


Response to the Statement "I Hate You": "I never did anything to you! You're fucking crazy!"


 
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