The older you get, the more clearly you realize the vast web of pathological thought patterns and defensive tics that make up your personality. Looking back, can't you see, now, how all of your neurotic, obsessive, defensive, fault-finding, bad-headed behaviors led you down the path to pain, heartbreak, angry neighbors, and bad service?
You can't? Well look closer. The problem is you.
But just how nutso are you, Johnny? Read on and find out which Mental Health Category you belong in.
Has healthy, fulfilling, long-term relationship with another disturbingly healthy person like herself
Has satisfying career that is progressing at a reasonable clip
Makes friends easily; has plenty of very close, uncomplicated friendships
Compliment others sincerely and mean it
Remain in monogamous relationship
Refer to self as "dreadfully boring"
Work out and eat right
Raise children who don't seem outwardly deranged
Plan elaborate theme parties featuring handmade party favors or exquisite decorations or little pots of fondue