SPORTS TEAMS DETERMINED BY RELIGION!

Religion could really add some heretofore unseen zeal to those otherwise meaningless sporting events! Come now, do we really care if "Indiana" beats "LA"? Wouldn't we much rather see the The Raging Muslims tear the Mighty Mormon Choir to little pieces? Wouldn't we prefer to watch the Wandering Jews resoundly beat those Sneaky Scientologists? Wouldn't it bring the American public more pleasure to see the Southern Baptist Preachers making nice work of the Fighting Priests?





SUMMER CAMP FOR CYNICAL SINGLES!

Tired of fielding mopey calls from your bitter, eternally single friends? Tired of telling them to keep their naysaying chins up, year after year, when no date ever goes well for them? Send them to Cynical Single Summer Camp, where they'll participate in "totally gay" activities like making "useless" arts and crafts and singing "hopelessly cliché" songs. Yes, they'll be bonding right away on how utterly stupid every single facet of their day is, until they're all truly, madly, deeply in love. That's right! With our help, your cynical friend is just a few woven lanyards away from releasing doves at his wedding.





 
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