ATTRACTIVE MINORITIES FOR HIRE!

Throwing a big party for friends and professional associates alike, but you don't want to appear to be the unoriginal, butt-white square that you are? Sprinkle in a few authentic minority types and watch your party absolutely explode with multi-cultural delight! And there's no need to hide the silver — all our minorities are 100% safe, classically trained actors! Not only will you seem less like a typical upper class cracker, but your lily-white liberal friends will thrill to the idea that they're "down" with the minority population!





WITTY GAY MEN FOR HIRE!

Add a snickery, devil-may-care element to any party with our well-nigh hilarious selection of homosexual men! Nothing says "I'm an open-minded artsy type" like a cluster of gay men mimicking the pathetic straight people around them with unabashed zeal. They'll voice heartfelt concern, they'll wax philosophic, they'll spill their secrets, but most importantly, they'll ruthlessly attack your snottiest enemies upon command. And for a small extra charge they'll show up early and help you pick out an outfit, rearrange your furniture, and resuscitate any dying houseplants! And don't worry - our gay men never, ever touch each other publicly!





 
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