A note from our CEO... Gerard Finneran
Greetings. I'm Gerard Finneran, SuckAir CEO. For many SuckAir flyers, the Finneran name doesn't ring a bell. But how about if I chugged a case of Old Mil, dropped trou, and defecated onto the beverage cart?
Oh, that Gerard Finneran. Right. The one from a certain October 1995 Buenos Aires/New York flight. The man the stewardesses (SORRY: "flight attendants") flagged from the booze cart. The one who exercised his right to free speech (not to mention life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) by going on an ALLEGED rampage throughout the cabin and (in a non-violent protest) pinching a loaf on the uptight flight attendants' tool of oppression, the beverage cart. The one who was ordered by the court to pay $49,029 in clean-up costs.
Before you pass judgment, however, you should know that I am also a successful businessman one just hired by SuckAir to run their little airline. I want you, our passengers, to know that you will never be denied booze. Never. Ever. And, additionally, you should feel free to blow a little mud whenever and wherever you choose.
SuckAir. Because we stand for freedom.