"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 3 March 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Battling John McCain, the English language, and the bad advice of his own chief strategist, Karl Rove, Governor George Bush, Jr. of Texas still managed a three-state win this week to reclaim the mantle of front runner in the GOP Presidential race. But we're a little concerned that the scion may mistake this week's demonstration of voter inertia as evidence of his own competence. That kind of thinking could really get Dubya hurt. Indeed, with all the missteps and mispronunciations we've seen so far, Suck has decided to elbow its way into the smoke-filled back room of the Bush campaign (the smoke's not really so bad when Barbara Bush isn't around) and lay out our strategy to lock up the nomination by Super Tuesday. Knowing Junior's love of easy to remember, alliterative slogans like "Compassionate Conservative" and "Reformer with Results" (easy for a communication-challenged candidate, if not a confused public, to remember), we offer the following ten suggestions to Mr. Rove. Don't let a liberal media define your man, Karl -- let Suck do it.