"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 9 February 2000. Updated every WEEKDAY.

SEEMINGLY ENDLESS LOVE

It's that time again. Time to celebrate the tedium and bone-crushing frustration of your relationship with your unbearable significant other. Will a cheesy card and some red roses do the trick for your impossible-to-please ball and chain? Or will a night on the town, cringing at the inadequacy of each other's company, be a more appropriate way to salute your love prison built for two?

While you're gritting your teeth through the tiramisu, why not take comfort in the fact that the dissatisfaction you feel now is probably just the tip of the iceberg?

That's right, you'll look back on this silent discomfort and say, "Yep, those were the golden years."

So how do you guarantee that your relationship will remain as unhealthy and unsatisfying as it is now? Read on!