"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 29 August 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Close-Up Penetration Shots & Your Children

[pierced penis]

Anybody remember prophet manqué

Michael Stipe's 1984 prediction

that music video would go the

way of the mohair jacket? Just

like anything ever uttered by

Timothy Leary, Stipe's dumbass

prediction proved woefully



Fact: Laughable fads and fashions

often last far longer than their



"Wanna see my clit pierce?" - a

dubious invitation, but far

preferable to the far more

common exhibition: your buddy's

recent trendy penis mutilation

on display like a prize-winning

sow at the county fair (well,

maybe the Folsom St. Fair...)


You can bet your best friend's

apadravya that the wandering

steel is here to stay. One sure

sign is the offhand embracing of

this trend by today's

youngsters. To the average

15-year-old, a nose ring or

belly-button pierce is as ho-hum

as couple of tabs of microdot at

Lollapalooza. Just be grateful

that scarification has remained

confined to the extreme

freak/power-fratboy ghetto!


[Piercing Mildred logo]

Word is that concerned parents

and barstool cultural critics

are hoping that impressionable

tykes will use Piercing Mildred

to excise their piercing

curiosity, and thereby sublimate

their desire to get perma-jabbed

through this vicariously cute

WWW thrill.


I'm no Nostradamus, but I'm

guessing that the mutilation

movement is still in its infancy

and will join tattoos and

sneakers in the pantheon of dubious

decade-spanning megatrends.


Case in point: the codpiece.

Tipper Gore's display of the

cover of W.A.S.P.'s "Fuck Like A

Beast" notwithstanding, this

fashion accoutrement's long-past

peak belies its once mighty

cultural status.


As far as display rituals go, the

codpiece must be one of the most

straightforwardly honest of

all time - instead of casually

drawing attention in the way a

sideways-turned hat or obnoxious

tie might, the codpiece cuts through

the bullshit by ostentatiously

emphasizing its wearer's

genitals. An elegant marriage of

form and function, to be sure.


[Bring Back The Codpiece!]

But try this out for size -

according to the data presented

by the Codpiece Resurrection

Society (codpieces arise!) this

fashion trend (chiefly popular

amongst the sons of wealthy

aristocrats - people just like

you) was the rage for no less

than 200 years !!


Even calculating for the

acceleration of culture in

today's media-driven society,

it's possible to see through

this example that even the most

improbable crazes, like burning

weirdos or over-accessorizing

flannel, can last 20-30 times

longer than the most

irresponsible cultural

commentator would venture to

predict. Accordingly, we might

make the liberal estimate that

the art of skin puncture will

prosper well into '98 - if not

the fin-de-millennium.

courtesy of the Duke of URL